Pathfinder Review

Once in a while, you get a movie that is so mind bogglingly awesome that you just can't possibly conceive anything greater than it. Raiders of the Lost Ark, Psycho, Chinatown, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Memento...

Pathfinder is NOT that kind of movie.

In fact, it's the most dreadful kind of movie.

OK, lets start off with the basic plot facts. In about 900 A.D., a bunch of Vikings come to America to kick some Native American butt. One of their children gets left behind and is raised by the Indians. 15 years later, more Vikings come and plunder and pillage. This now grown man must become a prophecied hero(The Pathfinder) and defeat the Vikings.

That actually sounds slightly promising. I mean, we do NOT have enough Viking movies out there. But this...this is just terrible.

First off, the plot is actually so poorly excecuted that it barely even resembles a story. We never get a reason behind the Viking's bloodlust. We barely get a "legend" that the hero(played by Karl Urban) is supposed to fulfill. One of the elder Indians just says "You must find your true self" or some similar cliche. We have an extremely shallow love story from another trading tribe of Indians. No background is given for the characters. In fact, there is hardly any dialogue or setup at all. It's just "Here is this guy killing people. That's entertaining, right?" No, it's not entertaining at all.

The camera is atrocious. Please, oh please, tell me why five camera cuts are necessary for one single stabbing motion! it's ridiculous. You cannot tell what is going on in any of the action scenes. Anything remotely interesting is obstructed from your view. There is so much slow motion that it seems like your watching the entire movie IN SLOW MOTION. especially when people fall. Oh, they fall slowly. Very, very slowly. The already boring action scenes are enhanced by a LOT of walking. And some more walking. Then...some more walking. There is a large suspension of disbelief factor. One example: How come the Vikings speak Norse but the Natives speak PERFECT ENGLISH?

It's just a drab movie. Everything looks gray. The grass- gray. The mountains- gray. The people- gray. Everything is either white, gray, or that disgustingly filtered brownish color. Nothing is vivid. The blood is even animated so poorly that it looks like the kool-aid-like goo that spews from characters in "God of War."

And I haven't even gotten to the acting. How on earth could anyone even consider these people actors? We get a few grunts, some talks about destiny, and an ending monologue. That's it. Any time actual words are spoken, however, you actually feel your mind being numbed like somebody dumped a gatorade shower on it. The characters are increasingly stupid. The hero is actually able to convince some Vikings to tie themselves together while crossing a very dangerous cliff. Guess what happens. Hero kills one bad guy, and the rest fall like dominoes.

Not to mention how historically inaccurate the movie is. It's too painful to even go into any amount of detail. I'll just say that it borders on being racist to both Vikings and Native Americans. Both are portrayed in such a dim-witted manner. There is one particular fight scene that must be seen to beleived.

I beg you, do not see this movie. It's about as entertaining and original as a sci-fi channel original. It tries to be an Apocalypto/Braveheart/Last of the Mohicans clone, but has none of the class or the epic scale that those movies have. I give this movie a disheartening and excrutiating

11/100